“You limit your words, keep hold of your thoughts and never let the body be violent. You are ready to walk the path of wisdom”
– Random Paper Wisdom –
It’s been a crazy couple of days. After saying goodbye to C (read about it in this post) I got myself prepared to take the blow that comes with grief, but nothing happened. If anything, I do not feel sad she’s gone. I feel relieved she doesn’t have to suffer any more. I feel gratitude that her unfair battle is over and pride, immense pride, that I got to know her!
I’ve been living off this weird kind of high; the sense that all’s well after all. That you take care of each of us in the best way possible, Life. That without suffering happiness wouldn’t exist. And that even though I only knew C briefly, she did get me to appreciate the smaller things you offer more; for example when I was on my bicycle, riding home yesterday.
Although the weather’s been brutally hot and damp the past weeks, yesterday was a change-over with drizzling rain and a chill wind. I even had to take a cardigan with me for class as I anticipated our classroom to be air-conditioned (it was) and thus cold (it was). I also had to bring a summer jacket, which seemed like a crazy idea when I put it on in the morning, but turned out to be a brilliant idea as I stepped on my bike.
The thing is: it was a good day. A long, exciting and informative day. And as my class had ended and I was riding home, I felt the soft breeze cooling me down and the spritz of raindrops wetting my face. I saw some beautiful yellow roses on the sides of the road and I thought of my friend, of how C kept telling us to enjoy and love you, Life.
And at that moment, I did so with all my heart.
I don’t know what happened exactly, but something’s changed inside me. You do that to me every so often, so it’s nothing new. But at the same time it is. I feel quieter in my head, less restless in my body. Even if things don’t go well, I don’t sit around and pout for as long as I used to. Instead, I laugh at myself and the situation, get back up and try again.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this unconcerned in my life, Life, and I don’t know how we did it. But we did.
Open your mind, open your heart and the World as you’ve always known it shall change.
I’ve limited my words, I’ve grasped hold of my thoughts and (even though I am thinking of joining a self-defence course in October) my body is not violent. I think I am ready to walk the path of wisdom.
Provided it comes with an occasional spritz of cool rain ;)