“You are a soft breeze, blowing hope into a saddened heart”
– Random Paper Wisdom (actual quote is a Celtic spiritual assumption) –
I am not such a bad person, am I? I feel like I have to do so much, put in so much effort to be the best person I can be. And while doing so, I keep bumping my head and end up lying on the floor, feeling lost, broken, and puzzled. Am I a good person? Or am I not?
All I can see, all I’ve ever been able to see, is my endless list of shortcomings. There is an assignment for school in which we have to write down ten (!!) of our top qualities, and the only things I can come up with are bad ones.
I know I try my best and I know I am not half as terrible as I make myself believe, but tell me, Life: how do I do? Am I making the most of you? On what grounds can I improve myself? On what grounds am I good enough already?
I hear you, I hear you. I am good enough on all grounds already, because today, this second, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Not behind, nor ahead, but exactly the person I am meant to be right now. All my shortcomings, all my top qualities (of which I have to creatively portray ten for homework tomorrow)… they make up me.
And to answer my own question: no, I am not as bad as I think I am. In fact, I do much better than I give myself credit for, because of the simple fact I try. Every day, I try to be the best person I can be. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I exceed my own expectations, but I am always good enough.
My heart gets heavy with dread and sorrow every now and again and it’s on these moments when I lose faith in myself. Am I a good person or am I not? The only true answer to that question is ever: you are good enough. “As long as you try to be the best version of you, you are doing fine.” It’s what you keep telling me, Life, and it’s something I have finally – slowly- started to believe in.
Thank you for always having faith in me, even on the moments where I don’t.