- Definition: The time of your life in which you find yourself somewhat lost, full of self-doubt and a bit off from the general way most of the people around you live their lives.
“I’ll tell you, there is nothing better in life than being a late bloomer. I believe that success can happen at any time and at any age”
– Salma Hayek –
A few days ago my cousin E came over and at one point he mentioned how he’s a slow learner, but especially when it comes to practical matters. E said: “At first I tend to suck at things, making the people around me think I’m no good and making my teachers think I’ll never get it. But then it’s like I wake up and BAM! I got it! And that’s when I usually outperform everyone else.”
I am exactly like that, too.
When I started out teaching BodyPump I was no good. Honestly, I was terrible! But after a while and some realisations (“it’s not about me, it’s about the people who visit my class”, and: “the main focus is to have fun”) I owned it! I owned it so bad that I’d eventually doubled the amount of people coming to class on Saturdays AND after my gym was taken over people “subtly” asked me if I was going to teach somewhere else – because they wanted to follow me.
When I think of this I wonder why I am so insecure about everything in life. My coaching course is making my heart beat faster, not only because I really want to be a good coach, but also because I know I sucked at the practical assignments thus far and will most likely continue to do so for a while (and I just really really want to be good at it!).
Today I had a minor meltdown, because my life simply isn’t the way I had wanted it to be. I am thirty and I live at home! How sad is that? I know it’s not all my fault, things just happened and other things didn’t, but I feel like I’ve failed myself. Failed life, even. I am right there, in the middle of my middlescence. Doubt crept in and took over and now I am stuck in my thoughts again.
Everyone around me seems to be doing so well it’s often difficult to accept I am in a different stage of life. My start-up takes longer; I am that slow, big plane that needs more time to take off. And when I do, I know I’ll soar higher than most people.
Not because I am better, but because I want other things in life. I don’t want to build a family like most people. I don’t want to find a nine to five job and work until I retire. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s just not me. I want to find my own, get to know myself. Travel the world and go on adventures, see what else life has to offer but the path most of my peers are on. Maybe I’ll settle down one day, but it’s not on my priority list right now.
The direction of my life is different and it takes me longer to launch because there’s not a set of footprints to follow into: I have to figure things out on my own. And that scares me, because it feels like I am stuck on the ground while everyone else is flying ahead of me.
But just like E, I need time to prove (myself) I can do this. That before you know it, the Sam nobody thought would succeed at anything will be high up there, soaring through the unlimited skies like no one else did before.
And I betcha I’ll be mighty good at it! ;)