- Definition: An unbroken line, a constant state of well-being (or, you know, anything). Something that is continuous and steady, something that’s always the same and thus reliable. In other words: definitely not my mood.
“You never begin a new life. It’s a mistake to think that you end one part of your life and start another as if there is no continuity”
– Rudy Giuliani –
Why is emotional stability so hard to achieve? Or better put: why is emotional stability so difficult to preserve?
Here’s my pickle: I go weeks feeling happy, upbeat and strong, as if I can take on anything with ease. Then there is a subtle turn of emotions and before I know it I go a few weeks feeling low, down and weak. Then the switch gets flicked again – always very subtly – and I am back to feeling like I am on top of the world. And so on, and so forth. There’s no continuity in my positive emotions!
Why can’t I remain feeling on top of the world with a few lows here and there? I mean, without experiencing the lows we cannot get to the highs, I know that. But do I need so many lows? And why do they come in waves? It makes no sense.
I suppose I could blame it all on the hormones again, but that would be too easy. Besides, I think this comes from within, and by that I mean “my soul”-within rather than my equally intangible “hormones”-within.
Two things became clear to me today as I had a sudden realisation over my afternoon tea:
- My mood swings come in waves (added bonus thought: “Yay, I have something to blog about!”)
- The waves are less frequent than they used to be
So I tackled one just now, and point two made me smile (despite being in a low wave at the moment). I used to have a lot more bad days than good ones, then that changed to my mood being extremely dependent on… anything (the weather, the people around me, what was on TV, etcetera). Then that changed, slowly, to having more happy days than unhappy days, where the latter would come bite me in the butt with a vengeance. And now there are these mellow ebb and flood tidings of positive and negative emotional statuses, which both take up a few days/weeks of my life and then slowly turn into their counterpart.
Unlike what I am used to, neither the happy weeks nor the bad ones are extreme any more. I do feel low and exhausted opposed to vibrant and energetic, but it’s no longer a matter of “I AM SO HAPPY!!” versus “I want to die”.
My emotions are like waves, that’s what I learned today. They come and go in good and bad tidings (see what I did there? Oh wow, what a pun beauty!) and leave me less destructed than my former mood swings did.
Even though I am in a low one right now, my mood waves have changed for the better. Maybe if I find continuity in my swimming skills, I’ll be able to improve them even more.