“Happiness is right here when I decide to stop thinking it is elsewhere”
– Random Paper Wisdom –
What is time? Time is too little lately, sorry to be blunt. But twenty-four hours in one day just doesn’t seem enough!
Last week was a busy week; I had clients every day and after only two days I was exhausted. Two days, two clients! What is two days in the life of a healthy thirty-year-old? I felt like a grandma; my body just didn’t feel up to it. Any of it! At one point I was in bed before the clock had hit 10 pm…
If I wanted to break the impression I am boring, this surely doesn’t help to boost my aura.
I tell myself to do quite a few things: I make daily to-do lists for several reasons. The first one being it makes me happy when I get to tick off something (from any list, really. I love lists in general). Secondly, it gives me feeling of purpose. Boredom is no longer a mentionable part of my life. And finally, when I start to stress out over “all the things I still need to do in so little time!”, I can tell myself that if I’ll “stick to my schedule” I’ll be fine. F.I.N.E.
Except I am not.
Maybe I keep biting off more than I can chew. Maybe my brains are all set to go full blast task-fulfilling and my body isn’t. Maybe the problem is I have started seeing everything as a task and as a result of that I no longer really enjoy myself. Maybe it’s a combination of all three or something completely different I am overlooking. But whatever it is, I am finding it more and more difficult to spend my time wisely.
My brains are on, non-stop. Even when I am vacuuming or mopping someone’s floor I catch myself thinking of things that need to get done or stuff that happened and left me sad or in distress. I am constantly processing things. Which is normal – we all do it – but it usually happens at night when we sleep. My brains do it all day long, so it seems, and it makes time seem like an even stranger factor it already is. For what would happen if I’d spend all that time thinking and brewing up situations that never happen(ed) on me? To find time to relax, to quiet my mind?
Last Sunday I had a fun meeting planned with friends but instead of looking forward to it I was reluctant to go. Because it felt like I was losing my grip on time: when was I supposed to recollect myself when all I do is give my time to others?
Eventually I had a blast and I was happy I had decided to not be the grumpy-stay-at-home-one. That I hadn’t forotten having fun is an important part of composing yourself, especially when facing a lack of energy.
Time, Life. I need more of it. Or at least a better understanding of it. If I was an ancient Greek philosopher, time would be my archè: the matter that holds the world together and is ever present.
We all have it, we all lose it. And one day our time will be up. So better spend it wisely, right?
Instead of fixating on all the things I have to do in all the time I don’t have, I’ll try and focus on the time I have at hand and how I am experiencing it at that moment. Living in the moment. Perhaps that’s the best way to go through life.