“To the World you may be one person; but to one person you may be the World”
– Random Paper Wisdom (but the actual quote is from Dr. Seuss) –
You have a funny way of answering my questions. As my family received another set of “happy bundle news” this weekend, I once again wondered where I’ve gone wrong. Seeing as my sisters kept straight on the path of Life and followed it innocently, I am more like Little Red Riding Hood and strayed. Well, that’s what it feels like anyway.
While my sisters found work, houses, and partners to reproduce with, I spent my time wondering where to go. Which directions of the forest to explore next. Who to give my cookies to (which is accidentally a very nice metaphor).
I feel like a loser sometimes, because when I was younger I had not imagined my life at thirty to be anything like this. Then again, what grounds to I have to complain? I have a roof over my head, albeit not my own roof. I have a small income, which is better than nothing. And despite all the trees in this big forest I got lost in, I found a path that may actually take me somewhere in the form of me being back in school.
The thing is, when I heard I’ll be an aunt again I was both excited and a little slumped. Because I wonder where I went wrong; it feels as if everyone around me is moving forward, making big decisions and expanding their lives, both figuratively and literally, while I am not. When will I meet someone who’s actually worth my time? Who’ll guarantee me I won’t stay alone forever? Where is my proof all will be okay?
During yesterday’s meditation session I learned why it takes me longer to find a suitable partner: how do I expect to find a strong man when I am weak? I need(ed) to grow strong myself, first. And that takes time. I then asked for a sign that I won’t be lonely for the rest of my existence, and today Life handed me this paper wisdom. Irony is so typical of you, Life.
I didn’t even want to talk about all this, but when Life hands you an answer you don’t ignore the topic. Because in the end it’s all about having faith things will turn out fine. That even if you strayed from the obvious path and got lost in the forest, you will eventually find your way out.
And if I’ll make it out alone, at least I’ll have a few nieces and (a) nephew(s) to hand my non-metaphorical cookies to.