Dictionary

Damaged (aka My Renewed Concept Of Friendship)

damaged_1
[Adjective; ~ Pronunciation: /dam-ij d/]

  • Definition: When anger and hurt take over your rationality and your bruises trouble your thinking. But whatever was damaged can also be fixed somehow. Friendship is like a phoenix: when one dies, new ones will arise from the ashes.

damaged_2

“The damage done in one year can sometimes take ten or twenty years to repair”

– Chinua Achebe –

For a while I thought friendship was dead. After a few “interesting” (let’s just call it that) friendship break-ups in 2016 I was convinced I’d be better off with no friends at all. That is to say, I had already created a new idea what to replace my old concept of friendship with. It is depicted in the following figure:

friendship_triangle
Figure 1: How I intended to see the people around me after I thought friendship had died

I honestly thought the idea of friendships weighed too heavily on me and wasn’t worth it: to me it was proven that everyone, eventually, would choose to damage me by leaving. Or damage me and watch me go. Or a combination of the two.

Anyway, there was always a lot of hurting involved and my trust in humans faltered with each friend I lost in life, to a point where I thought I’d just give up on friends in general. The idea of friends, that is.

But then last week something strange happened. First, my bitter self received a text from “a person I like” wishing me good luck with my course. Then, on the day of the course, another “person I like” phoned to wish me luck and tell me I’d do really well. That’s when I realised it’s not the walls you build around you to keep you from getting hurt that help you grow, it’s the people who manage to find their way inside your life despite those walls.

Yesterday another friend phoned me as she had had a tough day and wanted to get it out of her system. Today, a similar thing happened. And I am happy I was able to be there for them.

So instead of writing this post (for which I had the picture done weeks ago but could never find the right angle) about my damaged opinion about friendships, I will write it about my renewed belief in this concept by thanking the people in the top of the triangle of figure 1 for being there for me. For being my friend even though I thought I didn’t have any. For being my friend even though I didn’t believe in those any more. For being my friend and providing me with laughter, comfort and trust. For calling out to me when I needed you the most, even if I didn’t realise it at the time.

And for trusting me enough and providing me with the honour to be a friend to you, too.

I want to thank all my friends for being my friends. Because as you all probably noticed: I don’t think lightly about friendships. These kind of relationships are to be treated with care and to be treasured. Do I still think friendship is dead? Yea, sure, some friendships definitely are. But for every person you lose, there’s someone else standing right behind you to undo the damage done. And they deserve more than the title “People I Like”, for they are true friends!

I once stated there is a Mika song for every occasion, but it turns out Meghan Trainor has a lot to offer, too. This one is for all my friends: thank you for finding a way into my life! I hope you’ll stick around for a loooooong time! :)


Leave a shout-out to your friends in the comments! What makes them special? :)
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8 thoughts on “Damaged (aka My Renewed Concept Of Friendship)

  1. I really feel the same about friendships. I lost a lot of people in my life who I thought were real friends to me. It damaged me so much that I came to the thoughts that I’m going to do everything on my own. Everytime I open up myself to people and I lose them again, so what is the point? But after awhile I saw how some people in my life really tried to stay with me. And that’s when I realised I DO have some really good friendships. I’m happy to know that you also have some good friendships and what you say is true: if something ends, it will always lead you to someone or something better :)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I came to the same conclusion. Also, I believe we find people to go through life with because we need them and they need us, but sometimes the mutual need ends and so does the friendship. I found myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable around my ex-friends; that might have been an indication the relationship wasn’t as strong any more. But thankfully I found other people I feel at ease around. That’s my new ‘antenna’: my level of comfort around people. As soon as that changes, something’s wrong. I am happy you found good friends. I am grateful for the ones that found me :)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. yes I absolutely think the same as you. And when you feel something has changed within a relationship, you know something isn’t going well. You can just feel it. And maybe it is indeed how comfortable you are around some friends and how it changes. I am also happy for you and happy for the people who know you in real life :D

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I recently had a former college roommate reach out to me who I hadn’t corresponded with or seen since we left school. That was cool. I haven’t had great success at maintaining good friends but it hasn’t been for a lack of trying. Indeed once the mutual need ends people just go on their way. It used to bother me a bit but now not at all. Too busy looking forward to meeting new ones!

    Liked by 1 person

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