“I speak on the right, not the wrong moment. I speak the truth, not a lie. I speak kindly, not harshly. I speak in everyone’s favour, not their disadvantage. I speak with affection, not with anger”
– Random Paper Wisdom –
According to my paper wisdom, I speak a lot. Which is true. But maybe I do so because sometimes it is hard to listen and understand you.
My life is going through a lot of changes at the moment and even if they all seem to be in favour of me, it still feels… different. And I am not sure if I am happy with this feeling. What if I get used to my new situation and it changes again?
I know, change is inevitable. You cannot stay the same person forever and time changes everything: your surroundings, your experiences, you. Change is necessary for personal growth. Without it, the world wouldn’t spin, it’s that simple.
Then why do my heart and mind disagree? Why is my head fine with change, knowing if life closes a few doors it will open others, making the path ahead of me a bit clearer, less stressful or even happier to walk along, and is my heart busying itself with holding on to what was?
Remember that vicious cycle I longed to break? The one that went “work-save-travel, work-save-travel (repeat infinitely)”? Well, it’s broken. I can feel in the depths of my soul that it is. Out with the old life, in with the new.
But if this is what I’ve wanted for so long, and it is, how come my heart is not yet convinced I should be happy about it?
I guess what I am trying to say is that I doubt you. I doubt you’ll bring me what’s best for me, even if I can rationalise that you do.
That quote up there, my paper wisdom? I don’t think it’s about me or what I should do to better myself. It’s not a question how to implement this wisdom in my life, it is your answer to my problem: why does Life change?
That quote is you reassuring me that whenever I am on the brink of entering a new phase, you will do what’s best for me. You’ll bring me truth, honesty and kindness and won’t let me down.
I’ve always wanted a life full of adventures, travels and stories. Finding a way to make people happy. And you’re giving me all that, just not at once. Every time I am ready for it, you give me a little bit more. Because you know that even if my mind realises you mean well, my heart needs a little time to adjust to each new step.
Change is good. And I need to let go of my fears and hold on to my faith that you, Life, will bring me what’s best for me.
Thank you for looking after me.