“You are not afraid to admit you were wrong and with that show that you are wiser today than you were yesterday”
– Random Paper Wisdom –
Why does loneliness exist?
I saw it in my nephew J a few days back, when the last two bites of his ice cream were unfairly given to his sister. J immediately closed himself off and ran away to hide himself from any further social engagements.
My heart broke a little, because in his action was so much hurt, sadness and loneliness, and a lot of memories to me. I remember being like that, feeling as if the world was against me, feeling all the unfairness in everyone’s actions towards me. Feeling I needed to punish myself because I wasn’t good enough for whatever.
For J, I did the one thing possible as I am the only one in my family who can relate: I went after him and offered him a warm hug. He declined. I offered him soothing kisses. He declined. I asked him what he wanted and J said: “A cookie. And a new ice cream.”
One reason why I don’t want kids of my own is because I am terrified they’ll end up like I used to be: miserable, lonely, afraid and insecure. Depressed. I would never wish it upon anyone, especially not someone I love very much. But that day, I saw in J what I feared I’d see in my potential children: loneliness.
I guess me not reproducing didn’t do any good, after all, as my biggest fear has now landed upon my nephew’s tiny shoulders.
So I repeat my question: why does loneliness exist? I know it’s supposed to help build character, but isn’t there a better way to do that? One that involves more happy moments and less anxiety?
My paper wisdom is right: I was wrong. For so many years I was wrong, thinking I was worthless. Thinking nothing but negative thoughts about my own self. And there was nobody around to help me get through those bad times; I had to do it all on my own, making my road towards happiness an extremely long, difficult and lonely one.
But J won’t have to go through this alone. Because he’s got me: the expert by experience. And even if he thinks the whole world is against him, I’m going to let him know I am not. I’ll be right there.
With cookies and ice cream if needed.
Why does loneliness exist? I think life created it so we know how not to live our life in solitude, so we learn the true value of finding the right people to accompany us on our journey.
And I know every bend in the road of loneliness, so at least J‘s in good company if he gets there!