Letters to Life

Letters to Life (1)

life2

“You are not afraid to admit you were wrong and with that show that you are wiser today than you were yesterday”
– Random Paper Wisdom –

Dear Life,

Why does loneliness exist?

I saw it in my nephew J a few days back, when the last two bites of his ice cream were unfairly given to his sister. J immediately closed himself off and ran away to hide himself from any further social engagements.

My heart broke a little, because in his action was so much hurt, sadness and loneliness, and a lot of memories to me. I remember being like that, feeling as if the world was against me, feeling all the unfairness in everyone’s actions towards me. Feeling I needed to punish myself because I wasn’t good enough for whatever.

For J, I did the one thing possible as I am the only one in my family who can relate: I went after him and offered him a warm hug. He declined. I offered him soothing kisses. He declined. I asked him what he wanted and J said: “A cookie. And a new ice cream.”

One reason why I don’t want kids of my own is because I am terrified they’ll end up like I used to be: miserable, lonely, afraid and insecure. Depressed. I would never wish it upon anyone, especially not someone I love very much. But that day, I saw in J what I feared I’d see in my potential children: loneliness.

I guess me not reproducing didn’t do any good, after all, as my biggest fear has now landed upon my nephew’s tiny shoulders.

So I repeat my question: why does loneliness exist? I know it’s supposed to help build character, but isn’t there a better way to do that? One that involves more happy moments and less anxiety?

My paper wisdom is right: I was wrong. For so many years I was wrong, thinking I was worthless. Thinking nothing but negative thoughts about my own self. And there was nobody around to help me get through those bad times; I had to do it all on my own, making my road towards happiness an extremely long, difficult and lonely one.

But J won’t have to go through this alone. Because he’s got me: the expert by experience. And even if he thinks the whole world is against him, I’m going to let him know I am not. I’ll be right there.

With cookies and ice cream if needed.

Why does loneliness exist? I think life created it so we know how not to live our life in solitude, so we learn the true value of finding the right people to accompany us on our journey.

And I know every bend in the road of loneliness, so at least J‘s in good company if he gets there!

X,
Samantha

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19 thoughts on “Letters to Life (1)

      1. Well, my experience is, it requires quite some “(mal-)quality” lonely time until one checks the old brain for those extra octans that fuel the motivations to kick one’s own destiny’s ass and try and celebrate one’s style and ergo blossom up :-)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Maybe you are right on this one. My grandfather (apparently) used to state that loneliness is required to form character. But even so… I mean… My road really was long, and dark and evil. I just don’t want J to have to get on it, too. I really don’t. If he is prone to loneliness, so be it, but I’m going to try and make him a happier lonely person than I was.

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Ah your words hit me a lot. I think the most awful feeling is loneliness, so I dont know why people have to feel this way. And why does your little nephew has to feel this? Thats sad :( i wish everybody could have so many happy moments!!! But I know one thing: you are a reaaaally strong person. I think youve been through a lot and all by yourself. I wish I knew you back at these days so I could help you and you wouldnt have to do that all by yourself. And you are not only really strong but you are a very loving and kind person. Look at your blog, you write about your nephew with so much love and that you are going to take care of him. You have a really beautiful heart samantha!! I hope you wont feel lonely EVER again and I hope you will always stay this beautiful person or become even more beautiful if thats even possible 😱 have a good week x

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    1. You actually made my eyes tear up a little, lol. I am not used to compliments and yours are very very kind. So thank you very much! I hope you’ll have a great week, too. And loneliness… Maybe it’s a good thing when you know what it is, maybe not. Maybe it depends on the person.

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      1. Well people are stupid for not seeing the beautiful human in you. And if they see it then they are stupid not saying anything about it. And I guess people dont compliment you really often because I think they are intimitated by you. People see and feel your kindness and they are jealous they are not like you in this cruel life. I have the same, I always give people a lot of compliments and never get any back (not that Im giving compliments to get back of course). But Im okay with it because I dont need it anymore. Its really nice to hear it sometimes but Im not going to overthink about it :) well I think it is a good thing to feel loneliness because you grow because of this feeling. But why does it have to be such a cruel feeling :( I dont wish for anybody to feel lonely

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        1. I agree with you on your view on loneliness. As for compliments… I get so uncomfortable when I get one I think I don’t hear most of them D:
          But you are very kind and well on your way. I admire how you live life your way and don’t let anyone tell you how to run it. Don’t ever change that, it is very important to be able to be yourself :)

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          1. aahw that makes me happy to hear!! Because it is my attention to live life like I want to and don’t care about what others say. I’m really trying to live like this, but sometimes it is sooo hard. What you tell in your blogpost are my feelings most of the times too.. But I’m learning a lot about myself lately and I just want to be and feel free. But I have a lot of anxiety and I’m always doubting about everything. But I just have to take the risks!! And most of the times when people tell me a compliment I wave it away, like ”hahah oh yeah well thank you” and I begin to talk about something else hahaha. So I guess I also get uncomfortable but that’s okay. I know I don’t need compliments as much as I needed it when I was younger. But it is always nice to hear them :) keep on going Samantha, you are also living a great life, because you are making the best out of it by yourself with all your ups and downs :) xx

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            1. I agree: sometimes I find myself wondering what others might think or say. I tend to get very insecure when making a potential life-changing decision (“Mom, should I take this course in coaching? What do you think?”), but in the end the only one it affects is you. And I do the exact same thing with compliments you do! My psychologist once told me (years ago) the correct way to receive compliments is to say thank you and then (if needed), compliment back. I’ve been trying that and people don’t seem to weird when you thank them (or compliment them back), so it must work.
              I feel like I’ve thrown open the doors of spiritual growth (okay I laughed a little at this) and it’s come flooding in. I don’t think I’ve ever felt better about myself, but then again, there’s plenty of room left to grow :)

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              1. Yes I have the same with these potential lifechanging decisions hahaha. That’s a really good one with the compliments, I am also going to try this, thanks :) Well you are doing great, so Im happy to hear you feel this way, you go girl!!

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  2. I was an only child and my childhood convinced me I did not want to be a parent. My wife is the middle of three children and felt the same. Thirty years ago people thought something was wrong with you for not wanting to have children. Now it seems the tide, while not turning completely for sure, seems to be more favorable to swim for those who don’t want children. More people seem to get it. As for loneliness I found it terribly overrated and wish I wasn’t lonely as a child. It is true we can’t appreciate the sun unless we have clouds once in awhile…but being lonely seems to me to be much more substantial than that. J is indeed very, very lucky to have you!

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    1. People still give me the funny eye when they learn I don’t wish to be a mother. They also automatically assume I want to, before giving me the odd look, haha. Oh well, their loss for not understanding.
      I am the youngest of three and I was always… Maybe treated differently. Not so much favourably, but still… Different. I’ve always felt like the odd one out in my family. Well, no mattet how odd J feels he is, I know for a fact he won’t ever surprise me, lol.

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