[Noun; ~ Pronunciation: /presh-er/]
- Definition: Trying to figure out what makes you feel gloomy around the holidays each year, only to find out it’s due to mostly the increase of pressure. Pressure to be kind, funny, loveable and, most importantly: the pressure to be happy.
“Courage is grace under pressure”
– Ernest Hemingway –
Every year around Christmas time I get a bit gloomy. In all honesty, I think it’s to do with many factors, such as the year coming to an end (I am not good with endings) and the thought that I am overloading on a wide range of different luxury foods while people on the other side of the planet are dying from hunger.
The end of December is here and it always catches me reflecting upon another year passed: have I reached my goals (which I’ll talk about in Thursday’s post), have I been a good person, what has happened, what have I learned?
And apart from all that, even if we don’t have snow and the winter so far has been very subtle, it’s cold outside. It’s not helping me to feel better. Instead, I go out less and stay in more, meaning I am more than ever trapped inside my own head.
Yesterday we went over to my eldest sister’s house for Christmas (the Dutch get TWO days of this holiday each year – *a very sarcastic hurray! is in order here*) and while in the car I decided to switch off my brains. I couldn’t take it any more, all the thoughts and the worries and the grumpiness. I had had it.
I bet even The Grinch would have become more depressed sitting next to me.
I managed to keep my head switched off until we went back home. Somehow, when there is nobody distracting you (by, say, climbing onto your back and screaming at the top of their lungs, trying to burst your eardrums while simultaneously attempting to remove your eyes from their sockets), it’s easier to fall back into meaningless staring and overthinking your life.
Which is a lovely little pun, because I never just think things over and over and over, I also wonder what would happen if… So: overthinking it! I’ve almost made it into an art form by now, I suppose.
The bottom-line here is: I need a stop switch for my brains. Or maybe a stop switch for Christmas.
I have been feeling low and gloomy for almost the entire week, and only because of the holidays. The pressure to feel happy is so enormous, I can’t bear it. So instead I quickly put my hands up and retreat, feeling worse by the day.
I am happy Christmas is over. Now if only I can make it to the new year without any more crazy things happening, maybe I’ll get to start 2017 on a happy note.
But no pressure there, of course.