Dictionary

Pressure (aka Wanting To Shut My Brains Off)

[Noun; ~ Pronunciation: /presh-er/]

  • Definition: Trying to figure out what makes you feel gloomy around the holidays each year, only to find out it’s due to mostly the increase of pressure. Pressure to be kind, funny, loveable and, most importantly: the pressure to be happy.
“Courage is grace under pressure”
– Ernest Hemingway –

Every year around Christmas time I get a bit gloomy. In all honesty, I think it’s to do with many factors, such as the year coming to an end (I am not good with endings) and the thought that I am overloading on a wide range of different luxury foods while people on the other side of the planet are dying from hunger.

The end of December is here and it always catches me reflecting upon another year passed: have I reached my goals (which I’ll talk about in Thursday’s post), have I been a good person, what has happened, what have I learned?

And apart from all that, even if we don’t have snow and the winter so far has been very subtle, it’s cold outside. It’s not helping me to feel better. Instead, I go out less and stay in more, meaning I am more than ever trapped inside my own head.

Yesterday we went over to my eldest sister’s house for Christmas (the Dutch get TWO days of this holiday each year – *a very sarcastic hurray! is in order here*) and while in the car I decided to switch off my brains. I couldn’t take it any more, all the thoughts and the worries and the grumpiness. I had had it.

I bet even The Grinch would have become more depressed sitting next to me.

I managed to keep my head switched off until we went back home. Somehow, when there is nobody distracting you (by, say, climbing onto your back and screaming at the top of their lungs, trying to burst your eardrums while simultaneously attempting to remove your eyes from their sockets), it’s easier to fall back into meaningless staring and overthinking your life.

Which is a lovely little pun, because I never just think things over and over and over, I also wonder what would  happen if… So: overthinking it! I’ve almost made it into an art form by now, I suppose.

The bottom-line here is: I need a stop switch for my brains. Or maybe a stop switch for Christmas.

I have been feeling low and gloomy for almost the entire week, and only because of the holidays. The pressure to feel happy is so enormous, I can’t bear it. So instead I quickly put my hands up and retreat, feeling worse by the day.

I am happy Christmas is over. Now if only I can make it to the new year without any more crazy things happening, maybe I’ll get to start 2017 on a happy note.

But no pressure there, of course.


How was your holiday season thus far? And how do you deal with pressure?
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14 thoughts on “Pressure (aka Wanting To Shut My Brains Off)

  1. Christmas/New Year is a tough time for a lot of people. I wish Christmas was the last day of the year so we could just roll straight away into the next one and avoid this “dead period” between Christmas and New Year. As much as I want everyone to have a very happy next twelve months I don’t think we need all the society and media-driven pressure to put so much darn energy into “prepping” for it. It’s just flipping the calendar over people. The parties, the celebrations, etc. – for what? All the rehashing of who died in the year departing, all the “top stories” (which usually are awful). Are we supposed to be looking forward or backward? You could get whiplash!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s what I mean! The whole “you have to…”
      I don’t want to have to do anything! Just enjoy myself, but it feels as if even that goal isn’t enough.
      And yea… Looking back on the year and all the bad things that happened… It doesn’t un-do them, but it makes me feel even sadder being reminded. We shouldn’t forget, but we also shouldn’t forget the good things that happened.
      Hope you had a good holiday, Bruce.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. How do I deal with pressure? Well, throwing a ChrysMeth party to rise to the occasion usually helps *LOL* — no, of course, I’s jes kiddin’ (luv the wordplay tho ;) )

    Luckily I’m having this wonderful friend from the Netherlands, who sent me the most precious package I could imagine to this day, which made Christmess (do I smell yet another wordplay? ;) ) at work quite bearable :D :D :D

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I really struggled this year to find the christmas joy thing. Once my son outgrew the santa stage it just lost some magic and turned into a lot of work for works sake. Now today I need to box up all the decoration which drive me crazy for the most part and then I can move on with life. I’m looking forward to that. ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hated decorating the tree… We bought a sad one with lights in it standardly. Now all we have to do is unplug it and put it back in its box. That’s about the only good thing regardig xmas this year :’)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My family and I celebrate the twelve days of Christmas, of which December 25 is only the first. Today, the third day of Christmas, is also the festival of St. John the apostle. While immediate family exchanges gifts on Christmas morning, extended family has other gatherings during this season. So Christmas is not over in the Salvageable household, but neither does it have the pressure of packing the entire holiday into twenty-four hours. J.

    Liked by 1 person

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