Dictionary

Infra Dig (aka What Do You Get When You Remove “Friend” From “Friendship”?)

[Adjective; ~Pronunciation: /in-fruh/ /dig/]

  • Definition: Without being arrogant, realising something is beneath your dignity. This something could be, for instance, a friendship.
infra-dig“True friends stab you in the front”
– Oscar Wilde –

Do you know the feeling when one of your friends suddenly acts all weird and you have no idea why? I do!

For a few weeks now, a friend of mine has changed for the worse (if you ask me). She’s started to only talk about herself, not being remotely interested in what is happening in other people’s lives. Or maybe it’s just my life, I am not sure.

I am still talking about the girl I snapped at on WhatsApp. More than ever do I now know she deserved it. Fully. And since this is a harsh thing to say and I am, very unlike me, going to spend this entire post ranting about why she doesn’t deserve to be my friend, this whole piece of writing is beneath my dignity. It’s infra dig.

After the snapping, I felt bad about it for the entire weekend. But knowing I’d see her on Monday for my birthday celebration (me, my mum and a group of friends escaped the “torture cellar” with less than two minutes left before our time was up – pun!), I thought I’d just apologise in person. Some things you simply don’t do via text messages.

What happened was this exact dialogue:

Me: “Oh, by the way, I am sorry about my text message. It might have sounded a bit rude, but I was completely down and out of it. Sorry.”
She: “…?”

*short silence*

She: “Oh, that! Yea, you know, I read it and I thought *while laughing a bit*: okay, this is SO NOT INTERESTING I am not even going to go into it! Yes, you know. *shrugs* I’m just being honest.”

And blunt, let’s not forget that.

For those of you who didn’t read To Revive: I texted this “friend” last Thursday that I couldn’t come over for coffee, because I was feeling exhausted and cranky. I also confided in her I had just heard that one of my other friends got diagnosed with cancer and how this made me feel incredibly sad. All I wanted to do that day was curl up in a corner and cry.

Her reply text read: “Good luck, then ;)”

Now read her live reaction again. Getting my point?

I don’t understand why, of all people, someone I considered a friend thinks it’s okay to treat me like this?

This friendship has run its course. I don’t get how someone can be so arrogant: why do things always have to be about them? Why is it okay for them to spill their problems onto my shoulders and never pay me the same respect? Why are my emotions and endeavours “so not interesting”?

I don’t think I will ever know the answers to these questions. But I do know it’s not impossible to have a friendship that is completely, 100%, and utterly infra dig. I refuse to let myself be treated like this. By anyone.

Because if you remove “friend” from friendship, what you have left is “ship”. And this one is clearly sinking.


(End of rant. I just needed to get this out of my system, as the words of her brutal confession have been haunting me for days. I’ll be happy again tomorrow, promise :))
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23 thoughts on “Infra Dig (aka What Do You Get When You Remove “Friend” From “Friendship”?)

  1. Sorry for this unpleasantness in your life, Samantha. Don’t know if this will help, but, seems appropriate. “Starve your distractions. Fee your focus.” Have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Samantha….Ship doesn’t only mean titanic, it can also mean a Noah’s ark…..everything happens in its own time…..and the way you have expressed things here, doesn’t seem that intense…… Anyways stay happy…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Steve. But this ship is definitely a Titanic. I didn’t write doen the entire story so maybe it seems like I am overreacting, but this was the moment I felt our friendship was over. And that’s fine. Some people stick around, others don’t. I’m more upset about the way she treat me than I am about losing her as a friend. That also means something.
      Have a good weekend, Steve :)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey you didn’t get me….. I meant what if titanic ship/friendship sank, at least you are on the Noah’s ark….you know what…. Since I never been around the world, I thought such things happen only in India……anyways don’t worry about it , such things come and go like dreams or nightmare, whatever you say…… Anyways this shows the goodness of you…… Don’t worry be happy…… And you too have a great weekend ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Anyways don’t worry….. Hugs to you….anytime you feel like sharing your burden and find nobody, you can share it with me, if I’m worth it……distance doesn’t matter…..โ˜บ

            Liked by 1 person

              1. What kind of offer Samantha?? Buy one at get one or flat 50% off….there may be offers in your town or country…..but Here we give our shoulders for support……not against any offers or exchanges…..Thanks to you for making such a statement……

                Liked by 1 person

                1. I think you misunderstood me. If you offer something to someone, you make a gesture and I thought your gesture was big, since we don’t know each other. I never once imagined a “special shop offer” or anything of the kind when I wrote it, I just wanted to thank you for being kind enough to offer a stranger your shoulder.

                  Having said that, I am slightly offended you now assume my entire country goes by “give something to get something” as opposed to your country. We don’t think like this. I for one surely don’t. And I’m going to let the last bit of your comment slip, as I am hopefully right by assuming you simply misread what I meant before.

                  Liked by 1 person

                  1. No Samantha….. I think you should be understanding your words better, when you say, “that’s quite an offer there”……especially when you think my gesture as an offer….or something, so if you think I misread, then I’m afraid to say that I need to go back to school……and I did react badly based on the word offer….but then I believe that things don’t go by expectations in my case….. And may it be a stranger I anyways like to share good words of comfort and concern…..

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                  2. And one more thing…. When you say that’s quite an offer there, which also means that, there are so many of them there , you are not needed,…… Anyways Samantha, no negatives….. You take care dear….. And have a lovely weekend…..

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                    1. I feel like we’re talking about two different stories here. I looked up my words and they mean exactly what I meant. You offered help, and I thanked you for it in an informal British English way, according to http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/offer
                      What I think you probably mean is that offering people your help is so common to you, in your mind it goes without saying. In my mind I simply thought a stranger telling me I can find comfort with him if I need to, is a huge and kind gesture I might very well be grateful for and thus say thank you for. But please don’t belittle me, especially over something as silly as a casual ‘that’s quite an offer’. In all ends, let’s just agree to disagree.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    2. Samantha, look at your face once and the kind of post you write…… There is so much of innocence and simplicity in you, you hold on good qualities, you feel hurted on something which is so common, all these are a sign of a good person, and, I won’t say offer, but giving a sort of concern to somebody good, feels good….. That’s it….

                      Liked by 1 person

                    3. Samantha, however about the argument, I’m still there if you need to share something…..Take care and enjoy your weekend too๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

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  3. To me it appears that she is wrestling with some big problem in her own life and is trying to hide her struggle from you and from the rest of the world. Maybe someday you will learn from her what she was enduring this autumn. Maybe you will never know. Maybe she will get through this struggle and renew the friendship. Maybe not. There’s nothing you can do about her problems, since she isn’t sharing them with you. A little distance between the two of you might be good for both of you right now. But I suggest that you not abandon all hope that things will be better between the two of you again sometime in the future. Meanwhile, have a great weekend! J.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have learned that friendships are sometimes eternal and sometimes seasonal. There are many people that have come and gone through my life that I have said farewell too emotionally and spiritually. The one thing in your life that shouldn’t change is you.

    Liked by 1 person

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