[Verb; ~Pronunciation: /too/ /ri-vahyv/]
- Definition: Making time for yourself in order to get your thoughts straight and focus back, rather than running around all day like a headless chicken, hoping to please everyone around you. I’ve been there, but I’ve also been passed that stage. So I am going to try and bring back my kick-ass self. I am going to revive the real me.
“When is a revival needed? When carelessness and unconcern keep the people asleep”
– Billy Sunday –
Today I snapped at a friend. Did she deserve it? I thought she did, so she probably didn’t.
The thing is, she likes to pretend she is the best at everything: the smartest, the funniest, the wisest, the prettiest, the everything-est. And I normally don’t care. Which has led to some frustrating situations in the past where she’d treat me as if I was a moron and I’d clench my teeth and let her, but only to avoid a fight.
There’s a few things you can do to get me seriously p*ssed of. One of them is deprive me from sleep or make me feel insignificant, another one is to treat me as if I am dumb. I get it, I am blonde. But seriously… cut the crap. I am not stupid, I have a Master’s Degree and very well know the difference between work days and weekends, thank you.
Back to the story of today. The friend I mentioned is throwing a party of some sorts this Sunday. When she started planning, I told her I’d be there. But as it happens, my eldest sister is not only coming over for my early birthday dinner that day, which was the initial plan, but she’s coming sooner to drink tea (read: eat self-made cake) and catch up.
In other words: I won’t be able to attend the party after all. When I texted my friend about this plot twist, she responded as follows: “I already thought you were ambitious, expecting to come to the party and have a family dinner afterwards.” It felt very belittling, and I hate being belittled.
Add that to the list of things to upset me.
I could only think if she was so clairvoyant, why didn’t she tell me? Why let me run around, trying to cut myself in half, to please my sister, parents, and her? It seemed a bit unfair. Add to that a remark from her about possibly not making it to my birthday celebration on Monday, because, and this is a translated-yet-direct-quote: “I might have a job then and work is more important than your birthday”. So yes, I snapped.
My whole week so far hasn’t been that great. All week, I think I’ve had about two hours to myself. One to watch The Walking Dead (I was SO RIGHT on who’d die!), and one for American Horror Story. Even playing with my gerbils felt like a chore. Not because I don’t love them, but because I am exhausted from running around all day.
I texted my friend I wasn’t coming over tonight after all because I am tired, cranky due to lack of sleep, and very sad because of bad news I received yesterday, about another friend’s health. The party friend replied: “Good luck then ;)”.
I know my text was long and cranky, but I’ve had it. With today. With this week. With myself. I notice I am reverting to old behaviour: being snappy and irritable. Unappreciative of good things and careless of others’ feelings.
It’s all very well explainable, sure. But if I can’t understand myself, how can I expect someone else to? Plus, I know people are inconsiderate of my feelings, but if I turn into one of them surely I am no better.
The time has come to take a step back and observe my current situation. To take some rest, reload, and find the new old me (or is that the old new me? Not sure). Revive Samantha 2.0 and move forward again. I think I owe myself that much.
So did my friend deserve to get snapped at? I say yes, even if I know there’s always more to a story than you see at first. But I am human, too, and it’s time people start treating me like one.
I’d say the reviving has begun.
What about you? Have you ever snapped at someone? Or what did you do to make time for yourself?
And who did you think would die on TWD? ;) Just bringing this up again as I was dead right (pun!) and that always feels good!
Also also: how do you like the “revived” version of Addicted To A Memory? I told you I’d abuse every single chance I’d get to use that song ;)
Yeah, definitely on my way back.