Dictionary

Insignificant (aka No Good Person Goes Unignored)

[Adjective; ~ Pronunciation: /in-sig-nif-i-kuh nt/]

  • Definition: Always finding yourself to be understanding of other people’s situations, always putting your own frustrations aside, only to find the people you were so compassionate about lack interest in you. You, your emotions, feelings and opinions do not seem to matter one bit, especially to those you have been so kind and lenient to.
“Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it”
– Mahatma Gandhi –

As I was walking home from the car workshop today (my car’s annual check-up was due) I asked myself how important I am to the people around me, and concluded it must be I am not important to them at all. I wondered, if I were to die right then and there, how many people would bother to show up at my funeral, let alone give a heart-crunching speech.

I don’t think I’d like to know the answer.

I am very sad at the moment. Not because my friend found a job; I am happy for her. Not because my new neighbours are making tons of noise redoing the entire house; I am happy they found a home and are turning it into something special. Not because my birthday doesn’t seem to be special for anyone else but me; I am used to that.

I am sad because people don’t ever think of me.

The friend who found a job? When I found one a little while ago I refrained from being too excited, as I didn’t want to hurt her feelings for being jobless.
She‘s been spamming my phone all evening with happy emoticons and updates I don’t want to read but reply to anyway because she’s my friend and I don’t want to be inconsiderate.
She’s starting her new job soon, but doesn’t know when exactly. There’s a high probability she’s not going to make it to my birthday party next Monday, for which I arranged an escape room. That I had to pay for up front. Money that won’t be returned in the case of last-minute cancellations…

Will she try and get the day off? Probably not, as she bluntly told me “a job is more important than your birthday.”
Would I have tried to get the day off if the situation had been reversed? With 100% certainty. I’d only cancel my friend’s big day if I really had no other choice.

My neighbours redoing their entire house? They promised me and my parents they wouldn’t work during early hours.
I woke up this morning around 7 a.m. because someone ran up and down their wooden stairs in what I can only assume are wooden shoes, for that’s how loud they sounded. Shortly after I heard two loud voices coming from their bathroom-to-be, which is only separated from my bedroom by a very thin wall.

I could hear every. single. word. Just as I grudgingly decided I’d get up at 7:38 a.m. as I was clearly not going to get any more sleep, the voices disappeared downstairs (in two sets of wooden shoes).

I snuggled back into my warm bed, but ten minutes later the voices returned, louder than before. Not only that, but an imbecile thought it would be a good idea to TAP THE WALL to indicate where “the sink is coming”.

I mean: REALLY!? If I can hear them, surely they can hear me.

Half an hour later (before the sun had risen), they started their construction work. Considerate? I think not.

But that’s it, you know. The majority of people thinks they are the most important individuals in the whole wide world. It seems that when you don’t belong to that group, the only thing you’ll end up getting is frustrated and ignored.

Because in their worlds, you don’t matter. You are insignificant.

And that is why I am sad. The only thing I wanted this morning was silence. The only thing I want right now is silence. I don’t want to hear about other people’s lives right now. About their new jobs or their fantastic bathrooms-to-be with sink-indications. I want peace and quiet.

So I am closing up my heart for today. No more compassion for tonight. No more consideration. Nothing more but the sound of silence.

I hope someone can understand that.

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14 thoughts on “Insignificant (aka No Good Person Goes Unignored)

  1. I’m sad that you’re sad. Everything you say makes sense–a friend who is bluntly inconsiderate toward you, and neighbors thinking only of themselves (after promising to do better than they have done). I guess these are illustrations of what I was saying in my comments to your prior blog (not that I would wish such illustrations upon you). I hope that tomorrow is a better day. I also hope that you know that you are a significant and special person; I am one of the many who would miss you if you were no longer here. J.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, J. I think it’s time I learn my own value and start updating my friend list. I refuse to be the person everyone can talk to, but who can’t talk to anyone. But your words did cheer me up, so thanks again for that :)

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    1. Perhaps you’re right. Probably, you’re right. It’s not a continuous feeling, sometimes it takes the upper hand, though. I know I have people who love and respect me, but it’s hard to feel respected when someone you’ve always lend an ear to doesn’t do the same, for instance. I’ll get over it :)

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  2. A day when you find peace within, you will feel blissful and nothing can disturb you. At times new things will keep coming, but you will be all weaving new ways to shield yourself, it will all get automatic.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you’re right. I have been sleeping bad lately, my emotions tend to go up and down a lot when I am tired. Maybe meditation will work :) Thanks for your comment, Bhanu.

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  3. Aaah girl I understand your feelings for 500% because I feel the same this week. I was in london and I had so much stupid people around me who were only thinking about themselves and it makes me really sad to see that people are so full with themselves. I think it makes me sad because I always care about everyone else except myself. And im also sad because none of my friends are really interested in what I did in London, after 2 days they will ask how it was and then I said it was okay. And then they were like oke haha did you shop much? And the I said no I didnt go to London for shopping and then it was oke haha and the conversation was done. So much lack of interesting and it is hurting me because I always remember their vacations or their important stuff in their lifes, but they seemed to forget me all the time.. so I feel you so much and I hope you will remember that the only thing who is important is YOU. Dont let yourself being down because of all these stupid people, because you are one of the most beautiful people I can read about online and you cant beat yourself up because people are selfish. You can be so proud to have such a beautiful character and I really feel this way about you!! Hope you will have a great birthday! Is your birthday this monday? X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Sorry to hear about the lack of interest coming from your friends. I’ve been in that exact same spot… Although, mine didn’t even ask how my trip had been until someone else reminded them. And even then they settled for a: “It was great.” O_o
      My birthday is this Monday, yes. My wholr weekend is busy, but as from Tuesday I think I have enough time to read up on everyone’s post. Am very curious about your London trip! London is a great city :)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wow thats so hard to hear.. i cant even understand en imagine that people who are called our friends can treat us like this.. but thats because we are caring people :) I will send you a message this monday then, Im not even your friend but I wont forget your birthday haha!! Try to enjoy the happy moments of this weekend and after the busy days you can get some relax time for yourself! Have fun!!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Samantha, I am betting a lot of people have had days like the one you describe above. I know I have. I have felt that insignificance you describe. People talking right past me… not listening to my issues, my side of the story, my life. We are all selfish to some extent. There’s a lot to be said for self-preservation in this rough, tough world. But some people challenge themselves and push forward to help and care for others. Other folks…they never get out of self-preservation mode and are all about themselves…no matter how they try to appear otherwise. The trick is to try and surround yourself with those who are genuinely interested in making a positive impact on people other than themselves…those folks who have compassion and empathy for fellow human beings.

    Liked by 1 person

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