[Adjective; ~ Pronunciation: /ih-tur-nl/]
- Definition: Everlasting, without a beginning or end, something that has no limits and lasts forever. True love, possibly.
“True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart”
– Honore de Balzac –
The same people who don’t understand why I am still single are the people I do not understand for finding a partner. More than often it seems to me they did not choose each other out of love or interest, but merely because they needed to have someone. It’s like they have settled for a mediocre option.
I’m not saying this is true in all cases, but I suspect it is so for the majority of the people who give me a hard time about being single.
I have been thinking about their nosy inquisitions and I think I finally understand this part of myself, the why I am so difficult about finding a partner.
Here’s the honest truth: I don’t want to settle, not in love. I don’t want to be with someone just because I should, I want to be with someone because I cannot be without them.
Those people in the picture are my grandparents. My grandmother died eighteen years ago and my grandfather followed her three years later. I’ve said this many times before: they are sacred to me. I love them so much that even after all this time I find myself missing them terribly, and I wish I could give everything I own to just spend one more minute with them.
They are locked in my heart, forever and beyond, and even if I wanted to (why would I ever?), I’d not be able to cut them out. They own a piece of my heart.
And they are not the only ones.
When it comes to love and affection I am overly picky and careful; too many times have people turned out to be dishonest, disloyal and sometimes downright cruel, stomping on my heart or even crushing it to pieces, because they could. Because I let them.
But there’s a handful of people, animals too, who have masterfully and silently grabbed hold of my heart. They are the ones I keep locked inside and miss every day, no matter how many days pass. They are the ones I still think and dream about, no matter if they are not on this planet any more.
The love I feel for them is eternal and I know for a fact it’s the same for them.
To answer the question of anyone who wonders why I am still single: I want someone to love long after death has parted us, someone who’s special enough to lock in my heart forever. Someone that’s worth adding to that short list of amazing people I can’t help but care about, for all eternity.
And I will never settle for anything less.