[Noun; ~Pronunciation: /bod-ee/ /lang-gwij/]
- Definition: Your body is the boss, always. It’s a personal, everlasting life-guide who will always a) win every argument, b) take revenge in a passive-aggressive way when neglected, c) know you better than you think you do yourself, and d) hold you back when you take on too much work. Since it speaks no direct language (imagine talking to your belly or toes for instance and them talking straight back!), your body is forced to communicate with you through different mediums. Such as fat.
“And I have to work so hard at talking positively to myself. If I don’t, it’s just real hard to get through the day, and I’ll get really down, and just want to cry. My whole body language changes. I get more slumped over”
– Delta Burke –
(Seriously, I cannot stop laughing at the video still of Olivia Newton-John, with that bright pink legging and her facial expression!)
My mother keeps telling me I am imagining things. My friends keep telling me I needn’t worry: I am still not “as fat as they are” (as if they’re fat). But fact is I am worried! For since a few months, I’ve been putting on weight. Not much, but about half a kilo (a little over 1 lbs) a week.
And despite whatever my mother claims, my jeans are tighter, my bra is too, and the dress I was planning to wear for my friend’s wedding won’t close any more. So there you have it: I am not hallucinating, I am gaining weight!
For a while I didn’t know where it was coming from as I burn more calories than I eat. Say I burn around 2800 on days I exercise and 2400 on days I don’t, whereas I never eat more than 2000-2200 (the latter usually happens on weekends, when I allow myself some chocolate). My diet is varied and nutritious and I even replaced most snacks by healthy alternatives, such as fruits and low-fat crackers, so my eating habits aren’t the problem here.
At first I was surprised to see my weight increase, which quickly turned into frustration as I didn’t lose any but kept gaining more every week instead. My doctor doesn’t think it’s anything serious (so far I’ve gained 3 kilos in total and have been stable for two weeks), but believes it’s a case of stress.
Imagine that: you think you’ve seen it all stress-wise, but then your body finds a new way to express its need for attention. Go figure!
Among other hormones that can increase your weight, cortisol (a stress hormone) has the ability to, well, “stick around”, mostly in the waist-area. Hmpf, just my luck.
The cure? Take a wild guess… Yoga. And meditation. Just the two things I keep finding hard to devote my time to.
Maybe it’s not so much my body talking to me, but the Universe. For how many times have I heard I should take up meditating? About as many times as I’ve decided not to go down that road. The same goes for yoga.
But there’s no way out now: bodies know what’s best for you when your mind is lost and this is simply the only way mine knew how to get my attention (and boy has it got my attention! Don’t ever mess with a woman’s weight!).
So yoga it is. And meditation. Good thing there’s an app for just about everything these days, to help you get started.
Alright body, let’s get physical! Although, no matter how much weight you add to yourself, I refuse to get us some pink leggings! Just so you know.
Oh, and it would be very appreciated if you could learn some Dutch. Just saying.