[noun; ~ Pronunciation: /ih-skeyp/]
- Definition: I could make this really easy for myself and just say escape is a button on your keyboard, but that’s not all, is it? An escape means you get out of a tricky, awkward, uncomfortable situation or imprisonment. If only it would be as easy as hitting a button on your keyboard sometimes…
“We don’t create a fantasy world to escape reality. We create it to be able to stay” – Lynda Barry
First things first, I do not walk around all day proclaiming I have a boyfriend whose name is Jason. I know I am crazy, but I’m not quite that pathetic; I’ve yet to cross that bridge. What happens is, when Spring comes along a lot of people find it necessary to shower me with questions about my non-existent love life. Every year again, and it’s tiresome.
“You’re still single? It’s about time you do something about it!” – And that about a hundred times a week. It must be something in the air, making random people act all nosy and irritating around me. Or maybe they send out a secret memo to belittle me each year. Whatever. It’s annoying and none of their business.
What’s more, on the few occasions when I go out (like… twice a year or so – I seriously hate clubbing), I only get chatted up by guys nobody wants to be chatted up by. They don’t even want to be chatted up by themselves! And somehow, without exception, they always turn out to be the type of men that just won’t take a hint. Or two. Or ten. So yes, on those occasions I try to escape their attention by telling them I have a long-term boyfriend, Jason.
The thing with exaggerating is: the wilder you go at it, the more fun it becomes! So not only did I name some empty space of air Jason, I also gave him some personality. Well, if you want to escape reality, you better do a good job!
Jason is tall, strong, has zero tolerance for anything sh*t, is extremely funny in a wicked way I can highly appreciate, is great with his hands, very consistent, and, above all, he is relentless. He never gives up, he never stops until he’s done what needs to be done, he’s not afraid to get dirty while he’s achieving his goals, and no matter how hard life hits him, he always comes back.
Like, even comes back from beyond. Multiple times.
Does this ring a bell for anyone? No?
What if I say he never talks, ever? Still nothing?
How about if I said Jason made wearing a hockey mask cool? And was probably one of the first murderous zombies ever to go into space? Yeah, thought that would help you picture him in your head:
Let me get some things straight here: Jason’s not real, neither is the character he was based on. And I sure as heck don’t fancy him at all, especially without his hockey mask (gross!).
But when escaping reality by watching horrible old horror movies, I thought how brilliant Jason is as a man. Seriously, he never talks bad of anyone, because he never talks at all! He clearly knows what he wants and is very creative and persistent in getting it done. Moreover, he won’t quit until everyone’s dead (which might possibly be the only bad side of him. Without the let’s-kill-everyone-attitude he’d be perfect).
Plus, imagine being chatted up in a bar by someone you really don’t like and Jason walks in to rescue you, machete in his hands and all. Now that’d be fun (except for the part where Jason would probably cut your head off afterwards, but let’s not be fussy).
The thing is, I am tired of people sticking their noses where they shouldn’t. So what if I’m single? Who cares? I don’t, why should anyone else?
I just want to be left alone. Escape prying eyes and malicious smiles when people learn that, this year too, I have not found a match. Just as they thought I wouldn’t.
So I invented Jason. To shut them all up. Besides, let’s face it: there’s no escaping Jason, now is there? >:)