Dictionary

Escape (aka My Imaginary Boyfriend Is Called Jason)

[noun; ~ Pronunciation: /ih-skeyp/]

  • Definition: I could make this really easy for myself and just say escape is a button on your keyboard, but that’s not all, is it? An escape means you get out of a tricky, awkward, uncomfortable situation or imprisonment. If only it would be as easy as hitting a button on your keyboard sometimes…
escape“We don’t create a fantasy world to escape reality. We create it to be able to stay”Lynda Barry

First things first, I do not walk around all day proclaiming I have a boyfriend whose name is Jason. I know I am crazy, but I’m not quite that pathetic; I’ve yet to cross that bridge. What happens is, when Spring comes along a lot of people find it necessary to shower me with questions about my non-existent love life. Every year again, and it’s tiresome.

“You’re still single? It’s about time you do something about it!” – And that about a hundred times a week. It must be something in the air, making random people act all nosy and irritating around me. Or maybe they send out a secret memo to belittle me each year. Whatever. It’s annoying and none of their business.

What’s more, on the few occasions when I go out (like… twice a year or so – I seriously hate clubbing), I only get chatted up by guys nobody wants to be chatted up by. They don’t even want to be chatted up by themselves! And somehow, without exception, they always turn out to be the type of men that just won’t take a hint. Or two. Or ten. So yes, on those occasions I try to escape their attention by telling them I have a long-term boyfriend, Jason.

The thing with exaggerating is: the wilder you go at it, the more fun it becomes! So not only did I name some empty space of air Jason, I also gave him some personality. Well, if you want to escape reality, you better do a good job!

Jason is tall, strong, has zero tolerance for anything sh*t, is extremely funny in a wicked way I can highly appreciate, is great with his hands, very consistent, and, above all, he is relentless. He never gives up, he never stops until he’s done what needs to be done, he’s not afraid to get dirty while he’s achieving his goals, and no matter how hard life hits him, he always comes back.

Like, even comes back from beyond. Multiple times.

Does this ring a bell for anyone? No?

What if I say he never talks, ever? Still nothing?

How about if I said Jason made wearing a hockey mask cool? And was probably one of the first murderous zombies ever to go into space? Yeah, thought that would help you picture him in your head:

jason
Let me get some things straight here: Jason’s not real, neither is the character he was based on. And I sure as heck don’t fancy him at all, especially without his hockey mask (gross!).
But when escaping reality by watching horrible old horror movies, I thought how brilliant Jason is as a man. Seriously, he never talks bad of anyone, because he never talks at all! He clearly knows what he wants and is very creative and persistent in getting it done. Moreover, he won’t quit until everyone’s dead (which might possibly be the only bad side of him. Without the let’s-kill-everyone-attitude he’d be perfect).

Plus, imagine being chatted up in a bar by someone you really don’t like and Jason walks in to rescue you, machete in his hands and all. Now that’d be fun (except for the part where Jason would probably cut your head off afterwards, but let’s not be fussy).

The thing is, I am tired of people sticking their noses where they shouldn’t. So what if I’m single? Who cares? I don’t, why should anyone else?

I just want to be left alone. Escape prying eyes and malicious smiles when people learn that, this year too, I have not found a match. Just as they thought I wouldn’t.

So I invented Jason. To shut them all up. Besides, let’s face it: there’s no escaping Jason, now is there? >:)

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24 thoughts on “Escape (aka My Imaginary Boyfriend Is Called Jason)

  1. HA! That is awesome. I seriously can’t stand people that think it is their business whether you are single or not and somehow by them saying something to you, it will make it change. People used to annoy my wife and I by asking when we were going to have a kid and it wasn’t their business at all. Behind the scenes they had no idea that we were trying but couldn’t and we were doing everything we could to get one. Seriously, people can be so horrible.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know right, so annoying! Like there is a law that says you MUST have a partner before a certain age, and after marriage you MUST have children. Why can’t people just mind their own business? It’s both frustrating and offensive when they keep pestering me. Like I am not good enough the way I am, or whatever.

      Like

        1. What IS some people’s problem, really? I’ve heard from an ex co-worker the same thing happened to her, and she had been trying to conceive for years. It’s not only rude, but downright obnoxious. People ought to know better and mind their own business.

          Like

  2. Agh! Nosy people are annoying. “You’re still single? It’s about time you do something about it!” “Oh would you look at the time! It’s time for you to mind your own damn business”.

    Why do people tell themselves that being nosy is ok when it’s really not. I could never imagine asking a friend “When are you going to settle down?” “When are you getting married?” “Do you think you’ll have more kids?” Blahblahblah.

    Whhhyyyyy?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right! I’d never do that either. But truthfully, my friends don’t pester me about it, but family members do, and coworkers, faint acquintances… blegh!

      Like

  3. This is a hilarious piece! I cannot stop laughing :)

    By the way, when my students mess up their EXCEL functions, I tell them don’t panic, hit ESC button, life will be just fine :)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Y’know, that even adds a fourth dimension to the word “hit single” now πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    You’ve got my favorite sense of humor πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ’›

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I loved the first quote you shared about Escape and the story of your imaginary boyfriend that followed was totally hilarious. Although for obvious reasons it must annoy you. In my society wherever I am the question of marriage pops out at least a couple of times. I just ignore it now. still it’s so bloody annoying, would love to spend the time alone rather then talking to such borish people who have no other topics to talk about.

    PS. What if you do meet someone and his name turns out to be Jason?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A while ago the question shifted from: “You still don’t have a boyfriend?” to: “How’s your biological clock going?”. For a year or two people seemed not to care about a potential partner at all, as long as I would somehow, miraculously, get pregnant on my own soon. It’s just my age, most people are settling down and I’m not. But still, so what? Everyone leads a different life, get over it already!
      PS: If I do, I’ll buy him a hockey mask and a machete :’)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. lol how’s your biological clock doing is a gross question. I get asked tons of them and I don’t like going to social events much because of such stupid questions and whose horse is bigger competitions. Get pregnant miraculously? I thought you are 20 and don’t need to worry about all these things for another ten years. but well… It’s like there’s an expiry date for us as valuable products and we better jump the gun or we are losers.

        Single or with partner, life has something to offer for both circumstances and I think both should be enjoyed greatly. Life is too short to mull over what people say or when you will have a partner. I say you go girl. Enjoy and make the happily married jealous. lol ;)

        PS. That’d be great. I hope he likes them.

        Like

  6. I’m turning 30 this year ;) So yes, people are pressuring me to get things moving, since apparently I’m too old to be alone and childless… -_-

    I say you’re right. The most important thing is to enjoy your life, no matter how you intent yo colour the pages of it. Everyone’s different, why can’t people accept that?

    Like

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