“The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge” – Bertrand Russell
The flu is gone! Well, I’m still not feeling 100%, but at least I can eat and drink again without experiencing intense, horrifying pains each time I swallow. I’m sad I missed last week’s summary, but I combined that one with what I wrote down for this week, so it should all be okay. All’s well that ends well, right?
Okay, here goes:
- I have a child’s shoe size. That’s right, being one of the tallest women in my family, I managed to come out with tiny feet! I know Dutch/European sizes probably won’t mean a thing to most of you, but my shoe size is 39, which is, according to Google, 7.5 in American measuring. This, of course, is not new information for me, but when flicking through an advert paper of a local shoe store I noticed how all the kids’ shoes had an upper limit of size 39. I never knew my feet were so small I could actually buy cute fluorescent pink sneakers from the children’s department! Not that I want to, of course. But you know… I could.
- I care more about myself than I realised. Throughout the years I learned that if I worry about someone, I care for them. It’s part of a system I have developed that helps me figure out how I perceive other people and what they really mean to me. Having trust issues and all, sometimes it’s hard to open up to others, but when I find myself worrying about them, this is a sign for me I care for them and that they are worth my time.
All throughout the past weeks I had trouble falling asleep. Even before I got down with the flu. Worrying keeps me awake, and I found myself worrying a lot about myself. Where am I going to go? Where will I end up? What do I want to do with my life? Questions I still cannot answer, but that do keep me worrying. And so I realised I must care more about myself than I ever imagined! It’s nice to know I’ve grown to love myself more, even if it was a process running in the background.
- The only thing that helps you overcome your fears is positivity: just do it! This one is from a few weeks back, when I took my parents to a comedy night and one of the comedians talked about his biggest fears and how the only way to break them is to do exactly that which you are afraid of. I’m not sure if he was honest (you never know with comedians, do you?) but his words made sense. If you let fear hold you back, you’ll never get anywhere. Best is to grab the bull by the horns and try. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself every once in a while: the moment you start taking your anxieties too seriously and give them the lead, you set foot on a downward spiral which is really hard to come off of. Just smile and keep going.
- Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take two steps forward. You can’t always be in motion, you can’t spend twenty-four hours a day trying to catch up with your goal, it’s impossible. Everyone needs some time off every now and then, time to recharge. I’ve been battling depression ever since I set foot in my high school for the first time. Yes, this is a small exaggeration, but going there was the start of nine years of feeling low, bad and upset with myself. So now every day I am not enjoying myself and feel down, I am scared I’m back to square one. It’s silly, but it’s like recovering from a serious illness (which, of course, is exactly what it is): every time you feel a little pain, you fear the sickness is back.
I know every day is different and it is okay to feel blue once in a while. It will pass and being down doesn’t necessarily mean your depression is back. So, take one step back, recharge, and move fast forward again the next day. Take your time.
- I can iron with my left hand. Having over-burdened my right hand while my mother had back issues, I was forced to tackle ironing our laundry with my left hand. Sure, it took me about three times longer than it would have normally, but I got it done! Conclusion: I rock! With both hands!
- For everything in life, there is theory versus practice. In my head, things are in perspective: I know who I am and how I wish to react in certain situations (e.g. when I have friends over who seem more interested in their cell phones than in having a decent conversation with me). In practice, though, I always fall back to being a doormat. Why? Because this is how I lived my life thus far and it’s hard to change. It’s automatic behaviour. BUT! Although theory is easier learned than practice, practice makes perfect! Meaning that all it takes to change yourself in practice is, in fact, practice!
Sure, I get nervous when talking to new people, especially if they are from the opposite sex. Somehow I am convinced I need to impress men even more than women. But as a result I just… babble. And babble, and babble. I let out useless information and talk like a headless chicken, because that’s what I automatically revert to when in uncomfortable situations. In my head, I’m like: “Be cool. Ask questions and shut up!” In reality I am like: “This social situation in the gym reminds me of the Industrial Revolution…”
Not pretty. But, all I need is more practice to turn my behaviour around :)
- My paper-wisdom-paper is very wise this week. It reads: you cannot change a person, you can only show them the correct way to go.
Change comes from within, if someone doesn’t want to change, they won’t and vice versa. You cannot live someone else’s life nor can you run it for them. Let it go and settle for guidance when asked. They have to open their own eyes and will do so in their own time.
Two summaries in one, now I can focus on a new week and feel a bit more at rest :)
As always, here’s the Earworm Of The Week. Every since some guy ruined it on Idols last week, it’s been stuck in my head. Here’s the nice, on-key version:
How was your week? Learned anything new?