Horoscope (aka A Mismatch Made In Heaven)

[noun; ~ Pronunciation: /hawr-uh-skohp/]

  • Definition: When the phenomenon called astrology is used to explain your character and help you in finding your perfect match and/or avoid your predestined nemesis, based on the position of the stars during your birth. Forget the nature/nurture debate, it’s all star signs that matter!

horoscope“We are born at a given moment, in a given place and, like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year and of the season in which we are born. Astrology does not lay claim to anything more”Carl Jung

After our annual Christmas dinner at our local Chinese restaurant, we were, as usual, given a calendar. And just like every year, it featured the Chinese star signs and a little explanation for every animal depicted. Chinese astrology works just like the Western kind, only it goes by years instead of months, meaning that because I was born in 1986, it makes me, and everyone else born in that year, a Tiger.

This is what my new calendar says about Tigers:

It’s a bit blurry, but the words read: A fighting spirit – aggressive and courageous. A sensitive deep thinker who is true blue with friends. Marry a Horse or Dog, but beware of the Monkey. (I suppose this description is sort of true when it comes to me)

Now take another look at the big picture on top of this post. You’d think I’m screwed (and with me all Tigers), because this year is the Year Of The Monkey!

Here is the description of Monkeys:

Blurry again, but it says: Very intelligent and able to influence people. Good politician. Thirsty for knowledge. Talented and inventive, but easily discouraged. Seek a Dragon or Rat – NOT TIGER

I know what you’re thinking: where is she going with this? Well, to my client.

Mind you, I quit my job as from January the 4th, but there was one client I didn’t want to leave behind. Mostly because she’s a great person, very kind and caring, and if anyone needs my help, it’s her.

She was dumped by my former employer AND her local government, because she has an adult son living at home and she’s younger than 75.

On paper, this means her son can take care of her, and she’s ineligible to buy household help for a cheap price from her local government, because she’s 15 years too young.

In reality, it means she’s been brutally cast aside by all instances, despite really NEEDING help. Her son’s a full-time student, with tons of homework, a weekend job, and nearly no free time as it is. And herself having multiple health issues, it’s nearly impossible for them to keep up with the housework.

I felt so bad I offered to come over every week anyway and help her clean, for as long as I’m still in the Netherlands.

We get along great and each week we open up more to each other, and I always find we have more things in common than I thought. Yesterday she talked about a man she’d dated, and what had put her off him. His behaviour she described and her reaction to it made me think she and I might be more alike than I thought.

I asked her what her star sign is, but honestly I don’t know that much about astrology. I think it’s interesting, but I’m not very knowledgeable when it comes to people’s star signs. However, I went a step further and asked her about her Chinese sign, too. Just for fun, because of my new calendar.

The description of Tigers seems pretty accurate personally, and what it says about Monkeys actually makes me yawn, thinking I’d not enjoy myself when being locked up in a room with someone defined as “able to influence people” and a “good politician” (I hate politics).

Because she didn’t know her Chinese star sign, she googled it, and while she was doing so I told her at least she wasn’t a Tiger or a Monkey. Because this calendar works with a twelve-year cycle and her birth year didn’t add up to 1986, and because I like her and I’m not supposed to get along with Monkeys. In fact, my calendar tells me to avoid them at all cost.

Turns out we are a true mismatch made in Heaven, because she’s a Monkey! :’)

We stared at the screen of her smart phone for a few seconds, but the truth didn’t lie: all this time I’ve been working pleasantly for someone who is supposed to be my star nemesis!

Go figure.

Astrology… Seems like it’s just monkey-business after all.

13 thoughts on “Horoscope (aka A Mismatch Made In Heaven)

  1. When I checked my Chinese star sign back then, I was so amazed I wrote two songs about it “Born Under The Sign Of The Snake” (Part 1 & 2) — plus I love my “other” star sign also, being a satirist it provides me with a lot of everyday puns and perfect “excuses” and jokes on me actually: “I’m sorry, it’s a Cancer ailment ♋” 😄

    Liked by 1 person

      1. They will be in the new book to be released in a few weeks by my new publisher — I’m only allowed to post a very limited selection of lyrics on my blog page here … But if you’re comfortable to contact me via micah.le.lann@aol.com I could dig ’em up and send them to you sometime next week I suppose (I’m only on mobile phone during the weekend, as I’m headed home right now 😉)

        You’re invited 📱

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “Turns out we are a true mismatch made in Heaven, because she’s a Monkey! ”

    —Interesting:) But there is one twist you may want to check out. Because Chinese use lunar calendar, there could be up to two months mismatch. So it is possible that either one of you may not be monkey or tiger, especially if one born at the beginning of the year.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know. But I’m from October and she’s from… May I think. Besides, it’s a global description per sign, I don’t believe the position of the stars makes you who you are. I think that goes a bit deeper than whatever lit up the sky when you were born. But still, a fascinating topic, astrology.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I see.

    Two cases in mind. Both seem to support the validity of astrology, western and Chinese versions alike.

    1) For year based Chinese version, Dutchs born in 1944 have higher rate of obesity than those born before or after, because of the the Dutch famine of 1944 and the genetic adaption.


    2) For month based astrology, certain astrological signs endorses superior soccer skills. For example, elite soccer players are more likely to have been born in the earlier months of the year than in the later months. On recent English teams, for instance, half of the elite teenage soccer players were born in January, February or March, with the other half spread out over the remaining 9 months. In Germany, 52 elite youth players were born in the first three months of the year, with just 4 players born in the last three.


    In both cases, the seemingly striking phenomena have a deeper explanation than astrology offers. But astrology does provide a direct, fascinating interpretation :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, as a sociologist (one who does believe in spiritual/unnatural things), I still find it hard to accept it’s all due to astrology. I think in these cases it’s more of a way of finding an explanation for the phenomena than as a predictor. Say the Dutch famine had happened a year later, people of 1945 would have the problem of obesity. I agree astrology is a fascinating interpreting factor for many things, but I can’t help questioning the causality of its effects (although I always believed I was destined to be a bad football/soccer player and according to your second example I was right).
      It’s like multiple regression analyses and the R-squared: it doesn’t matter what silly X’s you add to your analyses, they will always add something to your level of explaining why Y changes, never less. Maybe it’s the same for astrology (we had a class on “fake sciences” once and the professor completely broke down astrology). Whatever it is, my horoscope is always the same: it’s either about losing lots of money (boo! Luckily this never happens) or finding a new love (which also never happens).


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