“If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm” – Mahatma Ghandi
Somewhere along the way, I lost my belief in God. I don’t mean along the way upstairs, where I do always see Jesus (and his mother, and St. Christopher – my dad is a collector), but I mean somewhere on the flight back from Chengdu (China) to Amsterdam three years ago.
What happened? I don’t exactly know, but I suppose at one point I reasoned that if there is something “out there” (and I do believe there is), then I can’t imagine us humans (as an entire race, so that includes me also) open and smart enough to grasp the entirety of it.
I realise talking about religion is like stepping onto thin ice. So please don’t think this is my way of offending whoever reads this. If you believe in God, Allah, Vishnu, Buddha or any other deity, I respect that. It’s your life, you do what you do and believe what you want. That’s your prerogative. But please accept that other people might have other thoughts on the matter.
Like I said, I do believe in something. What it is, I am not sure. What to call it? No idea, but I’ve chosen for The Universe. Why am I convinced there’s “special forces” or supernatural things among us? Because each time I pose a question to The Universe, it answers me in one way or another. Sometimes I even get advice (through strange thoughts, dreams or ex-job coaches who suddenly email me), and sometimes I get help.
My mother always says you often get help from people you’d least expect it from. As usual, she was right.
Today I was having a bad day. I used to have more bad days than good ones, but since a few years this has shifted. In fact, I’ve been doing pretty good lately! My stress has lessened (proof that my breathing exercises work!), I am happier about myself, I enjoy my life in general, and my confidence keeps growing every day, no longer making the mirror my worst enemy.
But today was just one of those days where I couldn’t see a single good thing in my life (or on my face). Bad job, still living at home, no good (job) prospects, no love, being unable still to answer the question: what do I want!?
Bottom line: I woke up this morning knowing this day was going to be tough, a real downer, and a heavy weight for my shoulders.
But then the mail man came. I hardly ever get mail, but there was a card addressed to me in a handwriting I didn’t recognise. And this was in it:
The person who sent me this card and heart-shaped token used to be close friends with my crazy sister (I am not sure if they still are, but that’s how we met anyway). The sender’s got a blog as well and I check it out each time she posts something new, because she’s a good writer and I like reading about her personal battles and how she’s handling everything like a pro. We’ve got some things in common (such as emetophobia, haha), and she in turn read my rantings and sent me this to cheer me up.
And you did, thank you so much! You have no idea how cool I think this is or how much I needed this today! Because on days when the worst gets the better of me, I find it hard to have faith. In things turning around and life getting better. But a set of kind words from someone I barely really know pushes all bad thoughts back into their dusty hiding places!
Was this coincidence? I think not! This was just what I needed, when I needed it. Thank you Lara (and Universe) for this lovely gift, for looking out for me, and giving me this sign that things will be good eventually. I just have to have faith. We all do :)
PS: Jesus’ hands are loose (I’m talking about my dad’s statuette). Would it be blasphemous if I’d take them out and switch them? Like, put his left hand right and his right hand left? It probably is, right?
It’s just so… tempting!