“Find out what your gift is and nurture it” – Katy Perry
When I was in Ireland to take an English course and internship (I can’t believe that’s almost two years ago already!), one day our class was asked to take this quiz and find out what type of personality we had.
Of course, this quiz was just for fun. I don’t imagine it was an actual psychological evaluation of our minds, but these twelve questions were to give us a global idea of what “box” we fit in, what “label” we could put on ourselves.
As far as these labels went, by the way, there weren’t too many. Meaning that a few students were typified to share a certain personality. I, as in everything I do or that happens to me in my life, was lonely in my label (I’ve learned to blame this on my uniqueness). This quiz, even though at the time I disagreed, characterized me as a nurturer, which was based on me being a planner + someone that loves facts + I think with my heart + I am introverted (seriously, if I read this description again, it seems as if I couldn’t make a decent choice and ended up getting a little bit of all).
Anyway, the description of a nurturer continued as follows:
- How They See Themselves: gentle (muehmm), conscientious (oh Lord this is true!), mature (well, sometimes, maybe)
- What They Are Like: quiet and caring, may have trouble making decisions that could hurt others, tend to avoid conflict, others may take advantage of them (all true)
I do not like that last point: others may take advantage of them. I don’t like to be taken advantage of! But unfortunately, I think this might be true. I also think this might have something to do with that other thing, the tend to avoid conflict-thing, although I am working on that (and on a side note: when I get that down, the world better start being very afraid of this bad *ss, mega strong, never-letting-anyone-ever-use-me-as-a-doormat-again woman! Muaha – Okay, back on track now).
When I first read my score I disagreed. In fact, when the teacher asked me about my results, I only told him reluctantly. I then opened my mouth to list down all the reasons why I felt I was NOT a nurturer, when he said: “Well, I think it could be true. You did nurture panda’s,” and at that same time my mind showed me a mental image of why I AM a nurturer. Although it didn’t involve panda’s and I never told anyone, but I thought of my mum, lying on the couch and sick as a dog, covered in three layers of blankets and wearing a woollen hat and STILL shivering.
When she had cancer, I nurtured her. I took care of her as if our social roles had been reversed, and in a sad way they were. For a while, I was the mother and she was the child. It was the hardest period in my life, but I know if anything were to happen to her again, or to my father, I’d do it all over. Reluctantly, but I would jump back into that nurturer-role without a blink or a second’s thought.
Because I am a nurturer. Apparently it’s not a decision, it’s just there.
Anyway, I am doing it again. No, mom’s fine in the sense that she doesn’t have cancer, but I *might* have given her my stomach flu from last weekend… Just might.
OKAY I DID! >:( But not on purpose!
I spend a lot of my time trying to figure out who I am, what type of person I am, where to go from here, and what my place is in this world. I spend even more time listing the things I dislike about myself (although I stopped doing that a little while ago and am now merely observing myself rather than criticising everything I do) and trying to change all of that, even though I know I can’t change the core me, and acceptance might be easier than useless battles against myself.
The Universe works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it gives you answers to questions you forgot you carried with you. Like when you’re in Dublin, taking an English course you don’t really need, but do really enjoy, and you end up taking this silly little personality quiz. For fun. And because your teacher told you to.
And what you hoped to find is not there, but what you do get is ever so much more accurate than your own self-image.
I am a nurturer.
There, I said it out loud. I can now forget about the whole nature-nurture debate, because clearly it’s in my nature to be a nurturer ;)