Anew can be used in two ways: 1) when you re-start something, such as playing your favourite song again and again (or rather: anew and anew), and 2) to take something you’ve been working on, like a story, and write it in a new manner (or rather: write it anew). Today, I have decided, I am going to start myself anew.
It’s rather amazing how a simple compliment about my writing skills can turn a disastrous day into a brilliant one. Or maybe it’s just amazing how fast my brains can revert from a gloomy status to a happy one. Oh well.
First things first, you see that picture? Well, that is our roof. Or actually, it was our roof. And no, not our entire roof (thank heaven), but of our dormer window. Tuesday last week (and Wednesday and Thursday) there was a pretty nasty storm hovering over the Netherlands. It went up to wind power 9 and even 10 in the coastal areas, and by the time me and my mother got home from our zumba class, my dad was already awaiting us outside and told us this roof had been blown off. Apparently, he and three neighbours had seen it happen/fly by, and had gone out to retrieve it. It was then placed in our back yard and kept there until some insurance guy had popped over to estimate the damage and send someone over to fix it.
Because accidents never happen alone, especially not when there’s a whole country “enjoying” a spring storm, every construction company seemed to be occupied to the fullest with fixing all kinds of roofs, so it wasn’t until today that three men came over to fix us up with a new one.
Typical thing 1: it has rained for the entire time we were roof-less (although they did hook us up with some canvas to keep most of the wetness out – yeah, like that helped), but on the day they came to fix the dormer window roof, the sun was beaming away happily…
Typical thing 2: no, nobody had time to come over and help us sooner, what with all the roofs being damaged and Easter weekends and all. But sure, on the day they did come over, they arrived at 7:30 AM!! I hate mornings >:( The World shouldn’t be allowed to start before at least 9 AM!
Anyway, the roof is fixed now and the leaking’s finally stopped (hopefully for good, or at least for a long time), so my dad is happy, my mum’s happy, the construction guys were happy, and the sun was quite happy, too.
Second bad thing happening today (I am counting the loud noises and people climbing up and down our roof/house at 7:30 AM a very bad thing! I quite appreciate my sleep thankyouverymuch), was that I received an email from the TV show I was invited to. The filming of the show was scheduled to happen next week Thursday, but due to “certain circumstances” (whatever the heck that means) they were forced to shoot two shows in one day, meaning that I wasn’t going to be a part of the afternoon filming session, but was supposed to be there for the evening recording as well, which would end at 11 PM!
Now I am crazy, true, but the studios are pretty far from where I live, plus I’d have to pick my best friend up (and return her home safely afterwards) so it would take me over 3 hours to get there and get back. And I have to get up at 7 AM again the next day. My calculation lead me to believe I would never be able to hit the sack before at least 2:30AM… Yeah, I’m not THAT crazy!
I emailed the organisers and asked if I could still just attend the afternoon filming, but they said no. So now, after being on the wait list for over three years and finally getting my chance to be on a hilarious TV show (and maybe even win some money), they crossed me off their list of attendees. Because I can’t get Friday off of work any more and I can’t function with just four hours of sleep (which would be the maximum I’d get if I still went).
I swear, if I had been rich and I had my own island… ooh, I’d send them to Hell!
So apart from all that drama, I woke up this morning with a nasty pain in my chest. Think heart-area. It wasn’t an attack or infarct, but it was some sort of cramp. I’ve had it before, years ago when I was younger, so I remembered the feeling. And how it is somehow linked to my breathing.
Unfortunately, I am not a morning person so when I wake early (darn you roof workers!) I tend to be a little woozy from sleep. Automatically, I breathed in deeply and immediately I got heart-cramps (I don’t know what else to call them). It is a very strong, sharp pain. It comes and goes very quickly, but the aftermath is terrible -_- I’m not 100% sure where it comes from, but I suspect it has something to do with the new Body Pump exercises…
I guess I do work out too much.
So there I was, all hurting and cranky from being woken up and having strangers in (or rather on) my house, and disappointed because I was de-invited to that TV show, when it happened. I flicked through my emails and saw one from the online magazine I sent my article to.
I’m not sure if I mentioned this before in any of my older posts, but I went to Norway last year with the travel agency of my cousin and I promised I’d write an article about that trip and try to get that published somewhere. And because I (still) always think the least of myself, I had never imagined anyone being interested in that story. But this online magazine is! Their editor emailed me my article was “well-written” and “looked very promising”! He’s going to alter it and then send it back to me for my approval!
That simple email, those few written words appearing on my screen, just made my entire day! :)
Being more positive is really a challenge for someone like me; a true pessimist. But I am slowly starting to believe that I am not completely worthless after all, and that maybe, very maybe, my writing doesn’t suck as much as I think it does.
With this in mind I have decided I will try and start myself anew. Just like that. As if all the bad things in my life haven’t taken their toll on me, as if I’ll wake up tomorrow and see my life with a new pair of eyes, and a new range of possibilities. Forget about all my mistakes, and how they always keep me back, just let go and start afresh. Start over. No more moping, more getting up and doing things. See myself as a whole new Sam.
Just like that roof, I am going to be anew.