There are not enough hours in a day to fulfil all my duties. That’s my conclusion. So I am sorry for not having posted anything that’s longer than three sentences in the past week, or something that actually makes sense. I simply haven’t had the time. Which is kind of funny, considering I quit the indicating-new-clients-part of my job and have more time left to spend elsewhere.
But I am too busy with other stuff to be able to do everything the way I want to. For instance: major stress in the dead aunt part of my life. I hope I’ll feel better when everything is settled and done and over with. I miss her, but all the drama involving the aftermath of her death is not making it easier to cope with our loss. And since I am not someone that easily talks about her emotions, I keep pushing everything to the back of my mind; if I don’t think about it too much, it ceases to exist (that’s my motto right there. -No, it doesn’t work).
My job has been extra demanding now we’ve got lots of new clients switching to us as a new help provider (since two other providers went bust the past year). I was asked to visit people’s homes and give off a new hour-indication while at it. I thought it would be interesting, a different view on things might come over me, but I experienced it as a lot of stress! Not only did I have to visit three or more people a day, with little time in between to prepare myself for the next visit (or eat lunch), I also had to do my household work before the visits. So that’s a lot of physical work combined with a lot of mental work (and a lot of racing to and fro).
And just when I thought I was done, I had to write reports on each visit and send those in electronically (and my notes were handwritten), accompanied by an explanatory email. So by the end of the day I was exhausted. And by the end of the week I was barely able to come out of bed. And two days just weren’t enough to recharge myself.
Apart from that, my conscious kept playing up: “Here I am, taking hours and minutes away, time these people really need, while I go to visit my own clients tomorrow, who have yet to face this new round of cutbacks.” It felt horrible. And on top of that, my coordinator called me last Friday to tell me that, based on the reports I handed in, she thought I was “too nice.” So I felt like a total b*tch towards our clients, but to my supervisors I appeared too nice.
After giving it some thought, I decided to choose between what makes me happier: working more hours (equalling more pay) or just busting my butt off for my clients and not disappointing other’s. I chose the latter.
And so the weeks roll on. This week I had more time outside of work, but today we had a mandatory meeting about (what a surprise!) cutbacks coming to my local region. Basically this means that the house visits I’ve been doing the last three weeks are coming to my clients, too, and soon. It sounds like an awful movie, and I almost wish it was. Because then I’d be able to push the stop button or rewind it to when everything was still okay. But it’s all going to happen and there’s nothing I can do about it.
The rest of the week I’ve been busy with worrying about my health, FINALLY finishing up on that article I promised my cousin I would write about her awesome holidays to Norway (and I only just sent it in, so I’ll be doing a lot of revising in the near future, I suspect), worrying about my mom and dad (which I always do, but they’re drained from the dead aunt-drama, too), buying tickets for a Mika show this September (I know I might sound like such a loser but the knowledge I actually HAVE tickets and WILL attend that show makes me so, so, SO happy!!), and worrying about my weight (read: bad eating habits).
Stress for me translates itself into exhaustion, failure to sleep and a general idea of “f*ck all this!”, which means I just give up on everything that’s good for me and have a go at everything chocolate.
It also doesn’t help that my mother keeps filling the humongous bowl of chocolate Easter eggs she always conveniently places in my direct view. And the fact that Easter’s knocking on the door means the shops give discounts on their Easter candy… You feel my pain? Exactly. Every time I think I’ve finally worked my way through the darn eggs, there’s a refill!
Talk about frustration.
Take all that and add to it the usual, weekly to-do things, such as cleaning your pets’ cage, doing grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning in general, etcetera, and the wish to have some time to spend on your hobbies, such as reading, exercising and my mandala-rune project, and you understand how I wish there were more hours in one day. Or more days in one week. Or both.
But, despite being so busy I fear my brain’s going to explode if I don’t slow things down a bit, I did have some new ideas for my blog. And when I have the time, I’ll start working on implementing those ideas :) Now that’s something for me to look forward to.
That and Mika, haha. I can’t believe I actually managed to get tickets this time!