Lo and behold! It’s Sunday again, which means it’s:
After feeling a bit let down by Twister last week (I really thought I remembered I liked it a lot more when I was younger, but I guess I didn’t) I went back to my comfort zone and picked a film I knew wouldn’t disappoint me, especially since its foundation is overflowing with irony:
Synopsis: A psychopathic maniac is murdering obnoxious college kids, and is being influenced (or maybe even inspired by) well-known urban legends. Stuck in the middle of all this madness is Natalie, the most annoying, emotion-less student that ever existed. It takes the killer over an hour to get the woman to cry, and everyone else until the movie’s over to figure out Nat’s the link to all murders (aka it was all about her in the first place).
BIG BONUS: Freddy Krueger‘s in this movie! :D
This movie is a typical case of “if the people in the movie would listen to me, they’d still be alive.” But then again, where’s the fun in that?
This film is, in fact, nothing but an epic battle between a psychopathic murderess and a sociopath. One is overly excited and creative, loving her evil hobby, the other feels absolutely nothing. In her quest of teaching the sociopath what real emotions are, Brenda, our much loved antagonist, goes full lengths to show Natalie, her emotion-less, zombie-like best friend, what a complete and utter bore she really is.
In doing so, Brenda does kind of ruin some lives. But hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, right? That’s what real friendship is all about.
So the story starts with what I’d like to refer to was a very bad day for stutterers; not only is the gas station attendant completely misunderstood by the young woman whose life he’s trying to save, he also gets blamed for her death afterwards. Poor man. On top of that, he was quite bad looking. Really, a terrible day for him.
On the other hand, it serves the girl right for not letting the man finish his sentence. Plus, who goes out driving without checking their gas level? And how come the person in the back seat wasn’t noticed until it was too late? Heaven knows how long she was hiding down there. With her axe. Moral of this story/scene: check your rear view mirror often. If you don’t, you might end up dead!
But that was just a warming up session for Brenda, who then goes on to ruin a lot more days of a lot more people (and a dog). Which kind of makes me wonder:
- how she does it (a). The killer is seemingly everywhere, yet nobody suspects Brenda. Because she’s always around, even if she’s supposed to be out slaughtering someone. Apparently she’s got loads of alibi’s. Or a more tangible form of a split personality, I’m not sure.
- how she does it (b). She’s a woman, alone, killing off people left and right (including men). Men are physically stronger than women, so Brenda would have needed to use a lot of tools to aid her in doing her job, which would have left her utterly exhausted (concluding fromthe severity of most of her crimes). Especially when she had to carry or drag the bodies up into a TOWER and put them on display eventually. Seriously, that woman must have had some real muscles!And no, I am not at all envious (okay, maybe just a little).
Natalie was a bit stirred by the death of the woman in the car (which to me was nothing but a smashing opening scene, so I’m afraid I already forgot her name), but not that much she’d start thinking and realize it might have something to do with her, too. Since she and the murdered student were kind of responsible for someone’s death and all. But at this point in the story Nat’s repressing her memories and was still in full denial.
So on goes Brenda the Killer. (By the way, not only does she nail the job of being a murderer, she also sets a trend by wearing the eskimo-like parka as her kill outfit, which is later copied in ATM).
Besides making it a bad day for gothic room mates (see: favourite scene below), Brenda turns this movie into a very bad day for dogs, too. And Tara Reid.
The moment I saw that dog, two thoughts entered my mind: “why is there a dog in the movie?”, and: “it’s going to die.”
The dog DID NOT deserve to be microwaved! :( Poor thing. It’s owner? Definitely meant to die! If you have a pet, don’t neglect it!
Tara Reid DID deserve to be killed off (like she kind of always does in al her movies). See, that’s the best part of redundant characters in a slasher film: you can just kill them all off! And that’ll even make complete sense.
What doesn’t make sense is that, apparently, nobody ever told Tara that in cases of emergency, never use the elevator! Or scream and bang on a window trying to get your friend to notice you, because there’s also a killer on the loose and guess what? They’ve got ears, too!
And here, again, it shows how little Natalie cares about her friends. She SEES Tara being axed down, she’s even waved at by the murderess, and all Nat does is shake her head, turn around and run away.
I mean, I wouldn’t run into the killer’s hands either, but surely I’d be more upset than that if I saw my friend being cut to pieces. Geesh. Talk about lack of interest. All the hardship this woman goes through, and she’s still fine. No traumas at all. No feelings either.
And she does it again, after her and Brenda (not in killer-form) are in the woods, being hunted by Paul (whom Nat suspects is the murderer – she’s not only obnoxious but stupid, too). Natalie hears Brenda scream, but instead of turning around to look for her friend, who she thinks is caught by the killer, she just waits for a few seconds before she decides to continue running towards the road and save her own *ss. Just forget about Bren, right?
And when she’s picked up by the university’s janitor, who just happens to drive by, and they get hit by another car (again, where does the killer keep coming from? And where did she hide her truck?) and they crash down, Natalie’s first impulse is to get out of the car and… run like hell.
Right, it’s only a janitor. Who cares if he’s dead? Surely not Natalie.
After this brutal moment, it’s hard to believe in Natalie’s incentive to climb the tower (in which Brenda kept her victim’s bodies). See, Brenda was faking being in danger to lure Natalie into her den. And believe it or not, but egocentric I-have-no-emotions-except-when-I-am-personally-being-attacked-Nat falls for it.
If only Brenda hadn’t taken so much time to explain her motives to her fake best friend, she would have been able to finish her job. Ah well. Can’t win them all.
At least Natalie (and Paul) lack altruism in the sense that they refrain from checking on the killer’s body after she’s shot and falls down a window. And proof for their stupidity follows quickly, after they get attacked by Brenda in their own car (mind you, they left a crime scene with a near-dying woman, not bothered by her rapidly decreasing health – seems like Natalie’s zombie state of mind is contagious). After another car crash, Brenda is flung over a bridge and ends up in a river. Again, nobody runs down to see if she’s really dead, or calls it in so someone else can do that, and so Brenda drifts away (and pops up somewhere else at the end of the movie).
Conclusion: this movie is brilliant! There’s irony everywhere and some really original death scenes. It’s a good laugh. Plus, the murderer gets away with it (always a plus). Too bad she was a psychopathic maniac and not just a psychopath. She had everything she needed in her to take down the sociopathic b*tch, but unfortunately her maniac side got the better of Brenda in the end.
And so it ended up being a bad day for maniacs. And a good day for sociopaths.
Oh Lord, too many! But the best, best, BEST one was where Brenda kills off Nat’s room mate Tosh. Tosh is a gothic girl and has crazy sex with crazy people, often while Nat is in the room. In fact, Natalie is seen walking in on one of Tosh’s sex adventures, after which she is yelled at for turning on the lights. So, the next time Nat walks into her dorm room and hears loud moaning, she thinks twice before flicking on the light switch. Instead, she goes straight to bed and makes good use of her disc man’s ear phones (hey, this movie was pre-iPods).
She wakes up the next morning and finds her room mate’s dead body, all bloody and mangled, in Tosh’s bed. Nat turns around and sees:
You know, I only just now realised Natalie never even answered that question.
Told you she was selfish.
BIG BOOHOO: Freddy dies in the movie :(